


Who Are You?

by Crazy7634



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Episode: s04e10 Suspicious Minds, F/F, Married Couple, Memory Alteration, Memory Loss, Minor Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Please Don't Kill Me, Romantic Soulmates, Same-Sex Marriage, Soulmates, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author is Emotionally Constipated
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-25
Updated: 2019-01-25
Packaged: 2019-10-15 18:58:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17534414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crazy7634/pseuds/Crazy7634
Summary: At the revelation that the government was "tying up loose ends" and were neutralizing past, alien-related, army projects... you realize that you have to leave too. Not for your sake, but your wife's. You were going to disappear. From her life and her mind.It was for the best.[Or: Your past is being dug up, and with Alex already needing the memories that tied you to her wiped, you figured it was better for her safety if you disappeared along with them. Angst all the way, mate.](This episode fucking hurt me so much that I cried into a pillow, hugging a Pikachu plushie while sobbing. Help. Please. I thought my heart was already dead, why is it still dying?!)





	Who Are You?

**Author's Note:**

> So... ANGST. Yay. This'll be the first time I'd write for Supergirl, so hopefully I won't get eaten alive. 
> 
> (Though might be considering this shit is... well, shit. Whaddya expect? I wrote it while I was sobbing into a stuffed toy!)
> 
> Of course, if you haven't watched Suspicious Minds, this is gonna be a major fuckin' spoiler.
> 
> ...I really should stop listening to sad, depressing songs. Makes me feel like a stereotypical, sad and dramatic teenager listening to those kinds of songs on loop whilst writing angst fics.
> 
> ANYWAY! BACKSTORY: This fic is actually set in the universe of a fic in a collection I've been brainstorming for Supergirl. The collection's called "Lab Rat", it was based off of my other story "Too Early or Too Late", and there were meant to be three different fics in it. One where you're the soulmate of Kara, one for Alex and one for Lena. This little angsty thing is (of course) set in the Alex fic's universe, in which (just as in the others) you were an experiment in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, who had been transported into an entirely new Multiverse due to a portal mishap. The difference in the Alex one, however, is that you were adopted by the Sawyers at age eight, found injured and wandering the streets by the Sheriff. Timeskip to adulthood, you work as a well-known and loved bartender at the Alien Bar, and only your sister Maggie knew about your ability to control the elements (Avatar: The Last Airbender-ish style). Well, before you met your soulmate, that is.
> 
> Aaand... that's about all I can say. Well, all you really need to know. This stuff would've been said in the first chapter anyways, so... ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

 

* * *

 

Throughout her entire career as a DEO agent, she never would have suspected that the future would require her to do this. To have some of her most precious memories taken, to save the one they all contain. Her sister, her family. Kara. She’d still remember her as Kara Danvers, of course. But Kara Zor-El would disappear completely from her mind. Nothing, not even a _distant_ memory, would be left of her.

Alex exhaled a deep breath she didn’t realize she’d held, a hand running through her auburn hair.

Despite the reassurances she’d told Kara, even she was worried about the repercussions of such a choice. The secret identity of Supergirl would be kept… but at what cost? Her life had revolved around protecting her little sister’s alien identity, and now they were going to remove any recollection of her knowing such information? Would she _really_ still be the same?

Alex shook her head. No, of course she wouldn’t be _the same_. But… would she even be able to recognize herself?

…Would _you_?

She loved you. You weren’t her just her girlfriend—not even her fiancée. You were her _wife_. She’d confided in you her fears, hopes, dreams, wishes… and you’d done the same with her. You’d stuck with each other through thick and thin, and knew each other like the back of your own hands. Nothing made her happier more than you did.

You were her soulmate. Literally.

At least, that’s what you said having her name on your wrist meant.

She had yours on hers as well, but the skin around your name was currently an irritated shade of red. She’d been rubbing it in her anxiety. You’d been acting odd the previous night, right after she’d told you about the Morai children in fact. She’d told you about her decision to remove her memories before mentioning the assassins, too. And though you weren’t happy about it, after a brief argument, you begrudgingly understood, and accepted the choice as her own with a sour face.

Yet the nervous air that formed around you only appeared at the mention of the government’s decision, the same air that carried on to the next morning. She thought it was simply due to the implications of the aliens preferring death over the DEO’s past alien-hating custody. But something in her said otherwise. That there was more to it.

So, here she was. Making her way to your place of work. Definitely looking like she was about to break the worst of news to you. Which, technically, she was. Well… she was going to _ask_ about it. That counts, right?

_‘Fuck…’_

Whatever’s been bothering you, she wanted to resolve it before she stopped being _her_ her. But _damn_ , how was she even meant to START that conversation?!

“Once more,” Alex muttered, psyching herself up, her feet not slowing as she power walked to the Alien Bar with a silent and distraught Kara in tow, “I want to see her one more time. Just _talk_ with her one more time before we go back to J’onn’s.”

The Director shoved the door open, eyes immediately darting to look at the bar. Usually, you’d be standing there with a glass in hand, greeting whoever entered with a wide smile as you absentmindedly dried it. Usually.

At the lack of your mischievous grin, she pulled her phone out of her pocket, checking the date and time. Alex knew for a fact that you’d have a shift right about now, so… where were you?

At a tug on her sleeve, she looked up from her phone. Kara’s frown had deepened, and her eyes were glancing all around the Alien Bar. She followed her sister’s gaze, her frown mirroring the Kryptonian’s when she realized what the blonde had noticed.

No one was looking them in the eye. In fact, they seemed to put effort into doing the exact _opposite_.

Spotting a certain bearded alien, the one Alex had pinned down for information numerous times before, the redhead walked up to the tense male and slammed her hands down on the surface of his table.

“ _What?_ ” She snapped, eyes darkening in her agitation. Something was going on with you, and the lack of information coupled with your missing presence was making her anxiety shoot through the roof.

The alien shook his head, a sigh reeking of alcohol leaving his lips, “Your Wifey’s not here, and no one will spill to you why. You’d have better luck asking Detective Sawyer.”

“Alright. Then, where is _she_?”

“Home.”

And with that, the Danvers sisters hurriedly left the bar, pointedly ignoring the sympathetic looks they could feel were digging into their backs. Once the metal door slid shut behind them, Kara wasted no time and flew them both to yours and Maggie’s apartment.

Well, just Maggie’s now. You’d already moved into Alex’s months before your wedding.

They stood outside the door, both feeling dread painfully slithering its way up their spines. Alex reached for the top of the doorframe, snatching the poorly-hidden key and frantically opened the door, said door slamming into the wall in her hurry.

They spotted Maggie immediately, and due to their less-than-subtle entrance, she noticed them too.

She was exiting your old room, eyes widening as the knuckles of her hands slowly turned white.

“Danvers, Little Danvers. Now isn’t this a surprise?” Your sister gave a nervous chuckle. Her left hand didn’t leave the knob, and her right was clenched tightly at her side, “What’re you doing here? I wasn’t expecting a visit.”

Your wife wasn’t having any of it. She stalked forward, noting the way Maggie’s jaw tightened as she moved closer.

“Cut the crap, Sawyer. What’s going on? Where is she? What’s in her old room?”

“Danvers, wait-”

Alex didn’t listen. She shoved her way past the NCPD officer and wrenched the door open, only to see… nothing. Even though you’d moved into her apartment, you didn’t leave your old room barren. You’d left pieces of you behind. Your favourite sheets, the first toy the Sawyers ever got you, pictures of friends and family—both new _and_ old…

They were gone. All of them were gone.

Your room looked so clean and pristine, practically commercial-worthy… like no one ever lived in it.

_Alex hated it._

She shot a glare at your older sister, who preferred to stare down at the carpet to the side than meet your soulmate’s gaze, “What’s going on, _Sawyer?!_ ”

Maggie didn’t answer. Instead, she turned to Kara, smiling sadly, “Can you hear if she’s still talking with J’onn?”

The blonde blinked, caught off-guard, “She’s with J’onn?”

A growl rumbled in her older sister’s chest, the sound snapping her out of her slight stupor, “Kara, _is she there_?”

Closing her eyes to focus, the superhero channelled her hearing to hone in on J’onn’s new building…

_“ …are you sure?”_

It was J’onn. But where-

_“ Yes, I’m sure. If they’re tying up the loose ends of their experiments, then-”_

There. It was you.

Her eyes snapped open, instantly meeting Alex’s worried gaze, “She’s there.”

They left the apartment as quickly as they’d left the Alien Bar… and just like at the bar, they could feel Maggie’s mournful stare on their backs as they flew away.

The sisters crashed through the building’s doors with a loud bang. Alex, not missing a beat, released her hold on Kara the moment her feet could touch the floor, and launched herself at you. You’d been startled by their sudden entrance and were grateful for the desk nearby. If it weren’t for it, then both you and your wife would be sprawled out on the floor, sporting matching head bumps.

Her arms wrapped themselves around your torso tightly, head immediately nuzzling into your neck, while your hands scrambled to place themselves on her hips, “Whoa there, Mrs Danvers! Where’s the fire? I know I’m addicting, but I didn’t expect you to be in such a rush to come back to me.”

Being in her arms felt bittersweet, and it reflected in your wavering smile. Something that didn’t leave Alex’s notice.

She glared up at you, teary and unamused. You’d worried her. A lot. And she wasn’t going to let it go that easily.

“Well I didn’t expect you to be in such a rush to suddenly drop off the face of the Earth! Do you know how scared I was when you weren’t at the bar? When I saw the looks the aliens were giving me? When I saw how _empty_ your old room was?!”

You tightened your grip, your unconvincing grin crumbling into a broken smile. One that promised no good news, and would lead to nothing but pain.

“ _Alex…_ ”

Your voice was raspy, and sounded forced. As if your throat had tried so hard to resist, but ultimately failed as you managed to choke out her name.

She didn’t like this at all.

Her hands were grasping your shoulders firmly, and she could’ve sworn her nails were sinking into your skin despite the shirt and hoodie clinging to your body.

“Hon... what’s going on?” Alex sniffed, blinking back tears. At the sight of the luggage behind you, a shuddering breath left her lips, “Please, you’re scaring me. Just tell me. W-Whatever it is, we can figure it out!”

“We can’t.”

Your wife swallowed the heavy rock in her throat, “What are you saying?”

“Alex, I… I have to go.”

“What?!” Alex heard Kara gasp in shock behind her, but she kept her focus on you.

She couldn’t hold herself back any longer. A sob slipped past her control, tears beginning to trail down her cheeks. They only continued to stream when you refused to look her in the eye, no matter how hard she shook your shoulders in disbelief. At the third shake, you tugged at her wrists with a pained sigh, gently prying her grip off of you before sliding her hands into yours.

“Alex, once J’onn takes away your memories that tie Kara to Supergirl, he’ll have to take away your ties with me as well. How we met, our first date, straight to our own marriage… Kara made an appearance, one way or another. As both Danvers _and_ Zor-El. You…” Alex slowly slid to the floor, her back and head now resting against the side of the desk. Her stare seemed far away, mouth slightly ajar in incredulity, tears not stopping in their rapid escape. You followed and knelt down beside her, her hands still in yours, “…You can’t risk knowing me, this will be for the best.”

“How could _any of this_ be for the best?!” Kara was yelling now, unable to remain silent at the bombshell you’d just dropped. She sped forward, grabbed you by the front of your jacket and yanked you upwards. It wasn’t until you noticed your feet could no longer touch the ground, that you realized the both of you were now hovering in the air, “Why do you have to leave _too_?! When we went to the bar _and_ your old apartment, it felt _horrible._ The others acted like they didn’t know who we were—who _you_ were—and Maggie acted like you were never there in the first place. It’s like you’re trying to make everyone believe you never existed in the first place! You-”

“I am.”

Kara froze mid-sentence, your response reverberating in the tense air. The two of you were immediately back on the ground, the blonde blurring away from you as if you were kryptonite. Her hands shook as she whispered, “…W-What?”

Both of the Danvers were now staring expectantly at you, distressed by your words.

“If what you told me is true, and alien-related projects like Morai are being neutralized, then I can’t stay here. They’ll be after me, too. And after all this hatred against aliens, then _especially_ me. I was meant to be their little alien hunter, so why _wouldn’t_ they try to get their weapon back?! If not to kill me, then to at least have me kill the rest!”

“Calm down.”

Your chest was heaving, smoke flittering upwards from your fingertips as sparks flew from your palms. If it weren’t for J’onn’s intervention and his calming hand on your back, you had no doubt your fists would have now been ablaze.

You looked to Kara, then Alex, before promptly turning away from the devastated look in her eyes, “They’ll do whatever it takes to have Project Havoc back in their custody again, even if it means ‘ _interrogating_ ’ anyone who I may have even come into contact with. Hell, I could’ve just smiled at someone while walking down the street and they would _still_ have made that person disappear into thin air. But my wife? My _soulmate_? They wouldn’t just take you. They’d torture you, make you a bargaining chip, use you a means to control me or _worse_!”

Kara’s brows furrowed, “Worse?”

You sent her an empty smile. Silently, you held your palms out in the air, willing fire to burst to life in your hands. The blonde winced at the demonstration, understanding blooming in her mind.

Right.

A guinea pig, a mere science experiment…

 _…A lab rat_.

With a flick of your wrists, the flames dissipated in the air, leaving nothing but a faint trail of smoke. You knelt back down, taking Alex’s hands into yours once more as you placed your forehead gently against hers.

“I’m sorry, but this is for the best.”

“…There’s got to be a better way. _I can’t do this without you_.”

You hiccupped a sob, your own deluge of tears freeing themselves from your hold. You raised a hand to her cheek, your thumb gently wiping away a damp track. Another sob escaped you when she leaned into your touch.

“I wish there was… there always is. But right now, we don’t have the time to think of another option.”

You moved your other hand to your name on her wrist, as if shielding its existence from the world.

“I’m so sorry…”

After her own name on your wrist ceased to sting, you released your hold on her arm.

Your name was gone.

“…As am I.”

 

~~~

 

“…I still don’t get why you wanted to come with us. Look at you, you’re freezing!”

Kara massaged the crinkle between her eyebrows, as if the action would help abate her exasperation. J’onn had flown off to get a bird’s eye view of the area, while she stayed to keep an eye on her shivering sister.

The weather was dreadful. There was snow as far as the human eye could see, and at every second that passed, a new layer fell from the sky to coat the ground beneath their feet. To make matters worse, despite the thick, furry, winter clothes they’d covered Alex in, she was still cold. Cold enough for Kara to constantly worry about her health.

Said redhead only rolled her eyes at Kara’s words, muttering through chattering teeth, “And I still don’t get why you’ve been trying so hard to keep this a secret from me. As if you being _Supergirl_ hadn’t been enough of one.”

The Kryptonian craned her head back and groaned to the sky, “I told you already, _it was your idea_. I didn’t want to lie to you, but noooo! ‘It’s not lying’, you said. ‘It’s called keeping a secret’, you said!”

The older Danvers grinned at her younger sister mischievously, “I know, I know. You’ve told me so hundreds of times already. I’m sorry.”

At Kara’s childish pout and defiant twist away from her, Alex’s grin softened into a fond smile. It had been two weeks since she finally uncovered her sister’s not-so-well-hidden secret (seriously, in hindsight, how did she _not_ see past the ponytail and glasses sooner?!), and after—according to Kara—six, agonizing, _months_ since she’d had her memories wiped, too! The hours of tearful, babbled explanations were ones she’d never forget. Barring any future situations where her memories would need wiped _again,_ of course.

Yet despite her realization of one of her sister’s biggest secrets, she still felt as if there was a chunk missing from her mind. It was only in the week before that she figured out why.

She may have discovered one of her sister’s biggest secrets, but that was the thing. It was only _one_ of them.

She had been keeping _two_.

Alex only had breadcrumbs at the moment, but she knew enough to know that the second secret had been the reason why they’d gone to some alleyway bar the night she found out, why the other regulars there seemed to know who she was, why Detective S— _Maggie’s_ surname caused pain to erupt from her chest and her wrist to sting…

… _And_ why they were currently standing in the middle of freezing nowhere.

The full story was still out of her reach (for _now_ ), but Alex was determined to find it.

 _Even if she had to piece together the whole fucking loaf breadcrumb by breadcrumb_.

Speaking of which…

She bit her lip in contemplation for a second, before murmuring, “So… are you ever going to tell me why we’re here? As far as I could tell, you, your billionaire girlfriend-”

“She’s not my girlfriend, _she hates me!”_

“Then deal with the ‘hate’, so that you can deal with the sexual tension already!”

After promptly shutting down Kara’s protest, Alex continued, “-Anyway. You, _Lena_ , J’onn and Brainy have been searching for something for months. When Brainy called you during Sisters Night, you looked so excited and were just _gone_. Why? What are we here for?”

Kara looked like a deer in the headlights, mouth opening and closing as she struggled to think of something say. She seemed conflicted, and her reluctance to answer made Alex feel nervous. After a few moments, she finally settled with:

“We’ve been… looking for a friend. Someone who left National City some time ago and we haven’t heard from since. We visited Detective Sawyer to ask her for her help, which led to Lena and Brainy finding out that they’d taken a plane that never reached its intended destination. It had a tracker on it, and before _that_ died, it documented that the plane’s last known location was here.”

Alex examined their surroundings with a frown on her face, “Well, judging from where we are, we can probably assume that their plane crashed. And assuming that they even _survived_ the wreck, considering the lack of civilization for miles, I highly doubt they survived the climate.”

Oddly enough, as she’d noted her observations, Alex felt her wrist ache.

Was it reacting to what she’d said?

She shook her head, _‘No, that’s stupid._ ’

She shut down that train of thought, but she couldn’t stop the slight tingle in her mind that rebelled.

“ _Alex…_ ”

At the call of her name, Alex turned to face Kara again, blinking in surprise when she saw that the other woman wore a pained grimace. Her hands were curled tightly into fists, as if her auburn-haired sister’s words had caused her physical pain.

“What?”

“Just-” Kara took a deep breath and her tense shoulders relaxed, though the frown on her face remained, “Just please, don’t say that again. _Please_.”

“Okay…?”

Kara refused to meet Alex’s apprehensive stare. She didn’t want to make her even more suspicious than she already was, but hearing her talk about her own wife—her _soulmate_ —that way hurt even her. Granted, she had no idea who she was talking about, but knowing that fact only seemed to break Kara’s heart more. Unfortunately, because of her little outburst, she just _knew_ her sister had a question ready at the tip of her tongue. Which was not ideal, in terms of keeping the fact that they were looking for her sister-in-law a secret. Kara prayed that someone would come to save _her_.

“K-”

“Kara, Alex!”

She’d never been more thankful to Rao than now, giving J’onn a look of relief for his intervention. He’d landed a meter away and she immediately sped over to him. Pointedly ignoring the accusing glare Alex was sending her way, she asked, “What is it? Did you find anything?!”

The Martian shook his head with a sigh, “No. Unfortunately, I didn’t. There wasn’t any sign of a plane or even a wreckage anywhere. I was hoping you could look under the ice with your X-Ray Vision.”

“Sure! Just- What the-?!”

She cut herself off mid-sentence, jumping back as a deadly ray of blue narrowly missed her by a mere inch. Alex was instantly by her side—alert, with her gun out and ready to shoot. Her eyes darted from side to side, searching for the source.

“Kara. Was it just me or was that-”

“-Heat Vision? Rao, I hope not. I’ve had enough of Evil Kryptonians already…”

The next attack sent their way wasn’t a concentrated ray of light, however. Out of nowhere, a wave of wind and snow slammed right into Kara and J’onn, sending them skidding on the ice and meters away from Alex.

“Kara!” Alex took only a step towards her sister, when her ears popped at the sound of a resounding boom echoing from her six. She hurriedly turned to stare down the origin of the deafening noise, only to face two shadows obscured by the intensified deluge of snow. Holding her ground, she growled, “Come out! I know you’re there!”

“Hm… you have guts.”

As if someone had willed it, the downfall slowed, revealing… Kara?

Alex took a step back in surprise, head snapping to the two aliens behind her for an explanation. Both of them looked just as dumbfounded as she was.

“Too bad she isn’t exactly in a good place to make demands. As much as I’d like to toy with them, we have our orders, Red Daughter. Engage and neutralize.”

A second voice rang in the silence, its sudden appearance making Kara and J’onn look even more shocked. Kara herself seemed to look the most perturbed. She'd gone pale, her head lightly shaking from side to side in her disbelief. She'd know that voice from anywhere, but... it couldn't be, could it? 

_'No... please, NO.'_

Seeing her sister’s jaw drop even lower, Alex returned her focus to her front, glaring at the shadowed figure by the doppelganger’s side. Did they know who it was?

Once the snow fully cleared and only swirled around the perimeter, the accomplice of the so-called “Red Daughter” was exposed. Kara didn't know whether to laugh hollowly or burst out into tears. Of course. Because why would anything suddenly start becoming easier?

It was you.

You stood stock-still, unflinching despite the gun Alex pointed at your skull. You had a hand raised to aim at her own head, two fingers folded to give it the appearance of a gun. But what really caught Alex’s attention was the sharp, pointed icicle spinning lazily in front of your fingertips, hovering as if it was waiting for the order to move. To be shot.

Tearing her gaze away from the ice, Alex’s eyes met yours, pain immediately flaring at her wrist. Her other hand slapped itself on the hurting area with a hiss, and was astonished when you did the same. Your eyes met again, you tilting your head to the side as curiosity briefly flashed in your irises. But it left as quick as it appeared, your interest in the matching sight of unusual recognition in her eyes being shortly replaced with rage.

Just as furious and confused, she snarled the same words at the same time you did:

“ _Who are you?!”_

 

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still crying... help... PLZ.
> 
> (On the bright side, this somewhat helped with writer's block... though anything I write recently will most likely be pretty angsty. ^_^;;)
> 
> Also, if this shit's real confusing, that might be because your BACKSTORY is in the notes up top, and you may have possibly missed it!


End file.
